April Reign

Speak your mind even if your voice shakes

comedy

Five Hundred Dollars

by

Steve Horner, a corporate speaker and Peter Mackay wannabe, has successfully ended Ladies Night at Proof.

Some divorced men might appreciate Ladies Night as a chance to meet new women, establish friendships, relationships..hell maybe even get laid.

But not Mr. Horner, when he hears about Ladies Night he hears discrimination.

What he really means is his wife left him seven years ago, and instead of doing some self reflection and actually moving on with his life, he has decided to go Dr. Evil on Feminism.

Horner, who says he turned against feminism when his wife left him seven years ago, plans to expand his crusade.

“This is now a violation of law. I will now make it a point to visit as many ladies nights as I can every week. I’ll have my rights violated, then I’ll sue them in county court and collect my $500,” he said.

Geez I thought when you went somewhere to purposely get your rights violated it cost you money.

Waterboy strikes again

by

On the November 27 edition of his nationally syndicated radio show, in response to claims made by King Abdullah II of Jordan on the November 26 edition of ABC’s This Week that “we could possibly imagine going into 2007 and having three civil wars on our hands,” Rush Limbaugh said: “[W]ell, let’s just have them. Let’s just have the civil wars … because I’m just fed up with this.” Limbaugh then asserted: “Fine, just blow the place up. Just let these natural forces take place over there instead of trying to stop them.” Additionally, Limbaugh claimed: “[E]verbody comes to us. … So we go and try to fix it and our own people, Democrats and the left in our country do their best to sabotage our efforts, and then we get blamed for trying to clean up the messes that these people start.”

One thing we know about Rush AKA The Waterboy;

“Something’s wrong with his medulla oblongata.”

Rush Limbaugh is THE WATERBOY

by

Limbaugh on the Democrat win;

LIMBAUGH: Now, I mentioned to you at the conclusion of the previous hour that people have been asking me how I feel all night long. And I got, “Boy, Rush, I wouldn’t want to be you tomorrow. Boy, I wouldn’t want to have to do your show. Boy, I’m so glad I’m not you.” Well, folks, I love being me. I can’t be anybody else, so I’m stuck with it. But the way I feel is this: I feel liberated, and I’m just going to tell you as plainly as I can why. I no longer am going to have to carry the water for people who I don’t think deserve having their water carried. Now, you might say, “Well, why have you been doing it?” Because the stakes are high. Even though the Republican Party let us down, to me they represent a far better future for my beliefs and therefore the country’s than the Democrat [sic] Party does and liberalism.

waterboy

Wednesday Winners and Wackos

by

(todays winners brought to you by America)

Winners:

Bernie Sanders

Hundreds of supporters chanted “Bernie! Bernie!” at a victory party that welcomed the maverick independent congressman who calls himself a “democratic socialist” into the U.S. Senate.Sanders handily beat businessman Richard Tarrant in an expensive race to succeed retiring Sen. James Jeffords, an independent.

“The people of Vermont have told America they are sick and tired of right wing extremism!” Sanders told the crowd, which punched red balloons into the air. “This election tonight may be the end of a campaign, but it is the beginning of a grassroots movement across America!”

Three wins for common sense

n a triple setback for conservatives, South Dakotans rejected a law that would have banned virtually all abortions, Arizona became the first state to defeat an amendment to ban gay marriage and Missouri approved a measure backing stem cell research.

First woman speaker

Democrats have partially taken back control of the U.S. government from Republicans after winning enough seats in the U.S. House of Representatives to take secure a hold of one or both houses of Congress. With the change in tide Rep. Nancy Pelosi is poised to become nation’s first woman Speaker. The expected first Madam Speaker has promised a series of “discrete deliverables” in the first 100 work hours after the Democrats take control, which includes boosting minimum wages, improving fiscal discipline, research on new embryonic stem cells, improving upon the prescription of drug coverage program for seniors and many other issues.

Background on Ms. Pelosi

Wackos

and Wackiness